i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
