Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
