toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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