In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize