The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
