it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
