Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
