I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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