Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
