Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
