i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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