Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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