I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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