I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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