I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
