why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
