You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
