When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
