actually, I'm a sock model
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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