YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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