about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
