So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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