I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
