Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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