Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
