angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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