We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
