Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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