Dual....:-)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
