Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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