I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
