Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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