that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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