i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
