Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
