It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
