video games are the ultimate cock blocker
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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