Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
