threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
