He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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