if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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