You just made me feel so damn special
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
