he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
