youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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