apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
this is an emotional support booty call
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
