yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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