just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
