you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
