Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
