i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize