the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
