Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
