Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
