did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His hands were made for my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
