i need an iv and a liver transplant
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
