I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize