we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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