I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
