i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
