i was born a porn star she said
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
