We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
