I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
