dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
