No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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