While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
